Pirate Librarian Book Review: Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters by Jane Austen and Ben H. Winters

For my last Pirate week entry, I have an adult Book.  (I read grown-up stuff on occasion).  A Piratey yarn and Jane Austen Mash-up, Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters by Jane Austen and Ben H. Winters.




Sense and Sensibility, though being a popular Austen novel, is often eclipsed by the juggernaut that is Pride and Prejudice. Perhaps it’s because of the plot?  The plot of P&P is as follows:

• There are two sisters.  Actually there are three more sisters, but no one cares about them.
• One sister is brash and sassy, and the other sister is quiet and shy.
• The sassy one has a rich, shy guy fall for her, but she hates him.
• She instead falls for a scoundrel who breaks her heart.
• The quiet sister has a rich, sweet guy fall for her but he doesn’t marry her for plot convenience issues. 
• In the end, the sassy girl realizes she does love the shy guy and marries him. 
• The quiet sister marries the sweet guy because he didn’t really have that good a reason not to marry her anyway.

So that is Jane Austen’s famous Pride and Prejudice!  You’ve probably seen it before because it’s been redone a million times in various different ways.

Now, here is the plot of Sense and Sensibility:

• There are two sisters.  Actually there is one more sister, but no one cares about her.
• One sister is brash and sassy, and the other sister is quiet and shy.
• The sassy one has a rich, shy guy fall for her, but she hates him.
• She instead falls for a scoundrel who breaks her heart.
• The quiet sister has a rich, sweet guy fall for her but he doesn’t marry her for plot convenience issues. 
• In the end, the sassy girl realizes she does love the shy guy and marries him. 
• The quiet sister marries the sweet guy because he didn’t really have that good a reason not to marry her anyway.

Clearly Austen knew she had the formula to make the ladies swoon and went with it.

But enough about Austen, you want to hear about Sea Monsters.

Much like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, some strange event has transpired to make the Austen universe topsy turvy. In this story it is called “The Alteration” and it has made every creature of the sea, from humpback whale to sea snail, evil.  Maybe evil isn’t the word, just out to destroy all humanity.  This is the backdrop to the plot described (twice) above.

The main characters, the Dashwood sisters and their mother, must relocate to an island because they have been kicked out of their house after their father was half eaten by a hammerhead shark.

So, effectively, they move from a large island (England) surrounded by sea life that wants to kill them to a much smaller island surrounded by sea life that wants to kill them.  But I’ll get back to that.

Are there sea monster fights?  Yes.  There is a giant octopus attack, sea serpents, and a giant lobster attack.  Is it good action? Eh, it’s as good as you can ask for.

The book does suffer from the same issue that Pride and Prejudice and Zombies in that people continue polite conversation while people die and horrible creatures attack.  This is meant to be funny, and sometimes is, but often leads the reader to wonder when Austen’s beloved characters became sociopaths.

For example, instead of going to London as they do in the book, the Dashwood sisters go to Sub-Marine Station Beta, which is an underwater city in a large protective dome.  During their stay, evil swordfish (not something I get to type everyday) come and start tapping on the dome repeated in a spot on the Sisters’ window, eventually causing it to crack.  At one point, the sisters are having a conversation in their sitting room while a maintenance guy goes out in a dive suit to repair the crack.  The man is then attacked by the swordfish, struggles for his life, and then is gored to death, all as the Dashwood sisters chat and drink their tea.  Did the Alteration make all the fish evil AND all the people doucebags?

Eventually, the legions of swordfish with the help of a Narwhal destroy the dome and kill thousands of people, something I could have never predicted in a reality where all the fish are EVIL!

This brings me to my big problem with this book.  England is an island, so they’ve always had a close tie to the sea making “The Alteration” pretty inescapable.   Still, we don’t have an underwater city now, so why would they build one in an ocean that wants to kill you?!  (It’s not as though our own, not-evil ocean isn’t treacherous enough.) 

Everyone in this book has a water-related occupation: there is a deep sea diver, sailors, pirates, lighthouse watchers.  All facets of life-art, entertainment, fashion, transportation, economy- are Ocean-centric.  People wear wet suits, sing sea shanties, and ride tame dolphins.  You know what I would do in a world where the ocean had turned against us?  Stay away from the freaking ocean!

(Brody says, "Get out of the water!)

And don’t tell me not to bring logic into a fantasy world with sea monsters because that’s bull.  Anything that distracts the reader from enjoying the story is the author’s job to address.

It’s impossible not to compare this book to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies because just as Jane Austen followed the same formula for S&S, Ben H. Winters follows Seth Graham-Smith’s formula to a T.  Sea Monsters instead of Zombies.  Pirates instead of Ninjas.

(The Pirates’ scene fizzles quickly and is not as awesome as one would think.  I felt the same about the Ninjas in the other book)

The fact remains, these books are not as funny as they think they are.  They are amusing and quirky, but NEVER did I laugh out loud with either of them.

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters doesn’t try so hard to be funny as P&P&Z did.  I appreciate that there is far less bodily function humor in this book (less, but it is still there).  It’s also far more imaginative than P&P&Z.  Winters more convincingly creates a different world, and blends it a little better to the Austen one.  More settings and situations are changed and the world is more thoroughly built.  The story ALMOST feels like it was always written this way, while P&P&Z feels like a bad cut and paste job with an Austen library book, Shawn of the Dead, and a Kung fu movie.  (Just kidding, Shawn of the Dead was much too funny to be associated with it.)

Let’s sum this all up.  Despite the glaring issue that no one has the sense to stay away from the ocean that’s trying to kill them, I liked this story better that Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  Still, I’m not sure I would recommend either one for the following reasons:

1. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies isn’t funny enough.
2. Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters is at least quirkier and more creative.
3. Still, if you’re going to subject yourself to either, you should probably read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies since it's nearly a phenomenon by now.
4. See reason 1.

Also, keep in mind that by reading this book, you’ll still be reading Jane Austen.  And if she's not your cup of tea (Gentlemen), I don't think that any amount of Zombies, Ninjas, Sea Monsters or Pirates will make it better for you.

Wish I had loved it: Capt. Hook by J.V. Hart; Illustrated by Brett Helquist

Here was the promise of all things good in the world.

A book about Captain Hook, written by the screenwriter of the movie Hook, and illustrated by Brett Helquist.

This blog has only been up for a few days and I’ve already proclaimed my love of Peter Pan, the movie “Hook,” and the illustrations of Brett Helquist; so I was there.

Neverland is purposefully set up to be every kid’s dream.  Yes, it’s tailored a little more to boys interests what with the pirates and Indians, but there are also mermaids and fairies there, not to mention that these days you’ll find as many girls who love pirates as boys.  Problem with Neverland is that Peter Pan is in it, and he’s sort of a jerk.  All kids are jerks around Peter Pan’s age, but we don’t like to know it.  I’m sure that I’m not the only one who saw Captain Hook in his smashing pirate garb and thought, “I think I might be on his side.”  The movie “Hook” only re-enforced this, because Peter Pan was an even bigger jerk in that movie and Dustin Hoffman played a cool, humorous, charismatic Hook.  I even remember trying to make “Bad form” happen as a catchphrase at my school. (So cool, I know.)

So why didn’t I love this book?  I desperately wanted to.  The story follows the School Age years of James Matthew, the illegitimate son of Lord Byron, at Eton School.  The Eton section is long with a lot of boarding school hazing, Eton ritual, and general Britishness going on.  Some people felt that would be a turn off for young American readers, but it certainly didn’t bother an Anglophile like me.

The main problem with the book isn’t the setting, the future Captain Hook himself.  He’s a proud, arrogant character, phased by nothing.  I’m certain this was done on purpose, paralleling Peter Pan himself.  Thing is, because he is phased by nothing, there is no real conflict.  It’s like playing pretend with a friend who is God-moding the whole time.

“You can’t beat me; now I’m the greatest swordfighter in the world.”

It all gets very dull because nothing seems to be a challenge or excite this character who I would also describe as a sociopath.  Even Peter Pan, arrogant and fearless as he was, bit off more than he could chew sometimes and was humbled a bit by it.  I think this is the main reason the pace feels so slow, not because of wordiness or bad setting but because one doesn’t desire to keep reading about him.

Also, this uber-capable Captain Hook confuses me, doesn’t this guy spend the rest of his life fighting an enemy half his age to no avail?  I love Captain Hook, but let’s face it, he’s a bit of a loser.

Helquist’s name is featured prominently on the cover but don’t look for his illustrations to save you some word count, there are far less than in the average Lemony Snicket book.  You can count them on one hand.

I think what happened is that J.V. Hart fell as much in love with his “Hook” character as I did when I was a kid, and wanted to give him a heroic back story (which he frankly doesn’t need/deserve).

Bad form, J.V. Hart.  Bad form.

Pirate Librarian: Sea Shanties

Pirate Songs to go with your Pirate Storytime:

I put in anywhere from 3 to 8 songs per storytime, depending on the age group, the availability, and the length of songs on the subject I’m reading about.  People often ask, “How do you get kids to sit still for storytime?” The answer is, “I don’t.”  Active songs bring a kinesthetic aspect for storytime and break up the “sit still and shut up” aspect of storytime.

The main reason I like to include Roger the Jolly Pirate by Brett Helquist in my storytime, because you can use the words to "What would you do with a drunken sailor?" in a kids storytime.  They get to sing a real sea shanty without, you know, the alcoholism.  The words and the tune are in the back of  Helquist’s book, but here is the first verse:

"Oh What shall we do with our Jolly Roger?

What shall we do with our Jolly Roger?

Oh What shall we do with our Jolly Roger?

Ear-ly in the morning.

Way-hey, up she rises,

Way-hey, up she rises,

Way-hey, up she rises,

Dreaded Jolly Roger."

It goes on like that, with each verse about parts of the story. Ask the children what happened and introduce the verses lyrics that way. Usually, a parent will answer but really try to encourage the kids to.  Narrative skills (recalling a story just read in narrative form) is a skill they will use the rest of their lives.

 The Hokey Pokey is an awesome song because it is one of the easiest Piggy-back songs there is.  I would be ashamed with how many times I've used the hokey pokey when I've gotten into a spot with Preschool-friendly songs, but I can't bring myself to be. (Repetition is good for learning right?) 

Here's the Pirate Pokey:

 "You put your right hook in, you put your right hook out, you put your right hook in and you shake it all about. You do the pirate pokey and your turn yourself around, that's what it's all about. Pirate Pokey! Arrrrrh!"

Continue with, Left hook, right boot, peg leg, eye patch, pirate hat, whole pirate self. You, of course, turn your hands into hooks, cover your eye for eye patch, put your hands on your head in for hat, and I like to tell them to keep their leg really straight for peg leg, because it's funnier that way.

There are also great Pirate Songs Listed on Born Librarian’s Blog here:

These went over really well at my Pirate Storytime, though I have to say that we replaced a line in “Pirate and you Know it.”   Instead of :

“If you’re a pirate and you know it, then you'll hear the sea winds blowin.”

We said:

“If you’re a Pirate and you know it, then your growl will surely show it.  Yarrrh!”

Another excuse to yell “Yarrrh!” during a storytime is always good I think.

So there you have it.  Pirate books (here) and Pirate songs to make a great Pirate Storytime for your little Pirates.

P is for Pirates: Geekery in Picture Books

Best Pirate Children's Books for Storytime

Every self-respecting Geek knows that International Talk Like a Pirate Day is on September 19th, and even though my pirate accent is absolutely terrible (it turns Southern about midway through, kids don't seem to notice) this week's entries are going to be about Pirates!  First up, my favorite storytime, read-aloud Pirate books.

Now, the Pirate craze is probably on its way out if not over.  I think its rise can be attributed to "Pirates of the Caribbean" and its fall can be attributed to the sequels being absolutely terrible.  The thing about Pirates, however, is that they never really go away.  Pirate Halloween costumes have always been a staple for kids and adults and not just because of Johnny Depp.  My main exposure to pirates growing up stemmed from Peter Pan, more specifically the movie "Hook," which I think I watched 11 million times as a child, even though parts scared the heck out of me.

What is it about kids and Pirates?  There were, and still are, awful human beings who stole, murdered, and pillaged their way through life.  Perhaps we still can't shake that romantic image of sea-fairing life we still might have.  Maybe its the swashbuckling image we've gotten from movies going back as far as Error Flynn.  It could just be the funny hats.  Whatever it is, I like pirates, you probably like pirates, and kids love pirates.

Pirate picture books aren't hard to find, the only tricky thing is finding ones that don't make your preschooler glaze over with boredom because they're too long.  Here are my top pics for a Pirate Storytime.

Small Saul by Ashley Spires

Small Saul wants to live the life of sea-fairing adventure but he's short on size and big on being considerate.  Can he find a way to fit in with his rough and tumble crew?  Great "it's okay to be different story" with a pirate theme.

Roger the Jolly Pirate by Brett Helquist

Very similar story to Small Saul, about a guy who is just too darn Jolly to be a proper pirate.  I love this book because it has the awesome illustrations of Brett Helquist, whom I fell in love with from his work on Lemony Snicket and still adore.  It's a bit long, but I love that there's a song at the end that sums up the story that goes to the tune of "What do you do with a drunken sailor?"  It promotes narrative skills, because you can use it to ask the kids what happened in the book before each verse.  The song is catchy and you can have kids "get their wiggles out" by standing up for the chorus "Way, hey, up she rises."

Pirate Pete's Talk Like a Pirate by Kim Kennedy; Illustrated by Doug Kennedy

The ridiculousness of me, with my terrible Pirate accent, attempting this book, is not lost on me.  However, I still really love the book for the repetition, and it's just plain funny.  Though it's long for a Preschool storytime, the repetition, changing voices, and a parrot impression will make this story a knock out.

Henry and the Pirate Chickens by Carolyn Crimi; Illustrated by John Manders

Carolyn Crimi is fast becoming one of my favorite children's authors.  This book has what I like to call, "Book propaganda," in which the problem is solved with the power of books.  In libraries, schools, and children's lit, "book propaganda" is a pretty oft-used weapon in the arsenal, which I frankly have mixed feelings about (but that is for another blog).  This book had the added benefit, however, of being about Rabbit and Chicken Pirates.  Really, what more could one want?  Also, in Last Starfighter/Independence Day/The Librarian fashion, they are saved by the nerd/bookworm, which is also appreciated.

Honorable Mentions: Peg Leg Peke by Brie Spangler; Pirate vs. Pirate: The Terrific Tale of a Big, Blustery Maritime Match by Mary Quattlebaum, Ill. by Alexandra Boiger

Any other Pirate book favorites that should have gone on the List?